The night before her 50-mile ultra marathon, Suzie Crossland-Dwyer dreamed that she had 3 babies in a row, one right after the other. She realized that there would be 3 time check-points in her run, hence the association with three childbirths. Taxed to her absolute limit, but she believed that her mind was her strongest asset, and it could get her across the finish line no matter what he body was telling her. In her darkest moments, her family and friends were there to touch her, nourish her, and tell her she could do it.
"After 50 miles," Susie writes, "all I knew was that MY home were the people waiting for me at the finish--my family.... And yes, my third baby was beautiful." (3 Labors + 3 Babies=50 Miles)
"After 50 miles," Susie writes, "all I knew was that MY home were the people waiting for me at the finish--my family.... And yes, my third baby was beautiful." (3 Labors + 3 Babies=50 Miles)
When a woman is preparing for a race, no one tells her, "This is nice and all, but be sure you're prepared to lose or give out before the finish line--after all, you wouldn't want to be disappointed." No one says, "That's nice and all, but we're going to drive behind you in the truck, just in case you decide you can't make it and want a ride." Now that's just stupid.
And it isn't because giving out is impossible. It isn't because the athlete in question is going to jump off a cliff if she doesn't achieve her goal. It's because believing in failure and making arrangements for failure are a recipe for failure. It's because believing in success makes it MORE possible.
So why is it that when a woman decides she would like to give birth sans pain medication, often the people nearest her try to prepare her for disappointment? Without getting into the benefits or pitfalls of natural childbirth, suffice it to say there are valid reasons a woman may choose to go the natural route. No, it's not a race, it's not a competition, but it is an immense challenge and it is by all means an act of valor.
Understandably, friends and family simply do not want to see their loved one suffer needlessly. Many husbands find it very hard to see their wives battling the pain of labor alone. However, if a woman has researched and decided this pain is worth the benefit to her unborn baby, what a wonderful act of selflessness, what a brave way to start motherhood, which is, as we mother's know, a lifetime of selfless giving. Her supporters should respect her values and realize the value of their belief in her. It's important to realize that the pain is not harmful, but pain endured for the well-being of her child is likely to develop an inner strength and bond that will last a lifetime, not to mention an incredible sense of confidence. In short, the endurance can have very positive long-term benefits.
But maybe they don't believe she can do it, and they are afraid the disappointment will destroy her. If a woman is facing natural child-birth like a competition, than by all means she should be encouraged to focus on doing what's best for the baby, regardless of the actions that must be taken. There are indeed times when an epidural can help a long-laboring woman relax enough to give birth, and perhaps avoid more risky interventions. A woman should never feel ashamed about taking this route. However, sometimes the mind is a powerful thing, and if a woman labors with a sense of inadequacy or fear or other negative emotions, she is more likely to have difficulty progressing. Telling her she's not strong enough to do it will never help a woman enter labor in the best mindset. Don't set her up for failure.
A hundred years ago you would have no question of her ability to endure the pain, because there would be no other options. Unless she were ill or very feeble, you probably wouldn't think twice about it.
Finally, I think sometimes women discourage other woman from attempting natural childbirth because it makes them feel inadequate about their own "performance" in labor. It's possible that there is an undercurrent of competition in this, the ultimate unique demonstration of a woman's amazing strength. Some women feel outdone by women who give birth naturally.
The truth is, whether a woman feels every detail of her child entering the world, or whether a woman gives birth in the peaceful unawareness of her lower half (or something in between), giving birth vaginally is truly stupendous and taxing. Every woman who does it is amazing (as is every woman who goes through a c-section, another intense act of bravery and endurance). Every woman who does it should be congratulated with awe and humiliation, and every woman who is about to do it should be treated the same because she IS going to do it, and we know she is! And because she's done something amazing just by carrying this child for the last 9 months!
People, do not underestimate your influence to strengthen or break down an expectant mother. Be sure that your support or lack there of can have a definite detrimental impact on the outcome, and that those outcomes can range drastically. You who are closest to her have the power to influence the well-being of the woman and the child she carries.
If she decides the epidural, so what? She's still amazing, and no harms been doing by her goal-setting or your encouragement. There are FAR more disappointing things than giving birth to a healthy baby without pain! But there's more harm to be done if she could have done it and didn't because she wasn't supported. Besides, having babies is the easy part: raising them is the most painful part, and there's no epidural for that!
No one stands by the side of a track and shouts to a passing runner, "Hey, if you're tired or want to give up you can sit down right here!"
You say, "Run, Run, Run!" "It's not much Further!" "Looking good!" "You're amazing!" "Here's some water!"
And if they don't reach their goal, we say, "You did great, you're amazing, look what you've accomplished!"
If it's not insensitive to believe a woman who's running to challenge herself, than why is it insensitive to say "I KNOW you can do this!" to a woman who's doing it for the well-being of her child?
And it isn't because giving out is impossible. It isn't because the athlete in question is going to jump off a cliff if she doesn't achieve her goal. It's because believing in failure and making arrangements for failure are a recipe for failure. It's because believing in success makes it MORE possible.
So why is it that when a woman decides she would like to give birth sans pain medication, often the people nearest her try to prepare her for disappointment? Without getting into the benefits or pitfalls of natural childbirth, suffice it to say there are valid reasons a woman may choose to go the natural route. No, it's not a race, it's not a competition, but it is an immense challenge and it is by all means an act of valor.
Understandably, friends and family simply do not want to see their loved one suffer needlessly. Many husbands find it very hard to see their wives battling the pain of labor alone. However, if a woman has researched and decided this pain is worth the benefit to her unborn baby, what a wonderful act of selflessness, what a brave way to start motherhood, which is, as we mother's know, a lifetime of selfless giving. Her supporters should respect her values and realize the value of their belief in her. It's important to realize that the pain is not harmful, but pain endured for the well-being of her child is likely to develop an inner strength and bond that will last a lifetime, not to mention an incredible sense of confidence. In short, the endurance can have very positive long-term benefits.
But maybe they don't believe she can do it, and they are afraid the disappointment will destroy her. If a woman is facing natural child-birth like a competition, than by all means she should be encouraged to focus on doing what's best for the baby, regardless of the actions that must be taken. There are indeed times when an epidural can help a long-laboring woman relax enough to give birth, and perhaps avoid more risky interventions. A woman should never feel ashamed about taking this route. However, sometimes the mind is a powerful thing, and if a woman labors with a sense of inadequacy or fear or other negative emotions, she is more likely to have difficulty progressing. Telling her she's not strong enough to do it will never help a woman enter labor in the best mindset. Don't set her up for failure.
A hundred years ago you would have no question of her ability to endure the pain, because there would be no other options. Unless she were ill or very feeble, you probably wouldn't think twice about it.
Finally, I think sometimes women discourage other woman from attempting natural childbirth because it makes them feel inadequate about their own "performance" in labor. It's possible that there is an undercurrent of competition in this, the ultimate unique demonstration of a woman's amazing strength. Some women feel outdone by women who give birth naturally.
The truth is, whether a woman feels every detail of her child entering the world, or whether a woman gives birth in the peaceful unawareness of her lower half (or something in between), giving birth vaginally is truly stupendous and taxing. Every woman who does it is amazing (as is every woman who goes through a c-section, another intense act of bravery and endurance). Every woman who does it should be congratulated with awe and humiliation, and every woman who is about to do it should be treated the same because she IS going to do it, and we know she is! And because she's done something amazing just by carrying this child for the last 9 months!
People, do not underestimate your influence to strengthen or break down an expectant mother. Be sure that your support or lack there of can have a definite detrimental impact on the outcome, and that those outcomes can range drastically. You who are closest to her have the power to influence the well-being of the woman and the child she carries.
If she decides the epidural, so what? She's still amazing, and no harms been doing by her goal-setting or your encouragement. There are FAR more disappointing things than giving birth to a healthy baby without pain! But there's more harm to be done if she could have done it and didn't because she wasn't supported. Besides, having babies is the easy part: raising them is the most painful part, and there's no epidural for that!
No one stands by the side of a track and shouts to a passing runner, "Hey, if you're tired or want to give up you can sit down right here!"
You say, "Run, Run, Run!" "It's not much Further!" "Looking good!" "You're amazing!" "Here's some water!"
And if they don't reach their goal, we say, "You did great, you're amazing, look what you've accomplished!"
If it's not insensitive to believe a woman who's running to challenge herself, than why is it insensitive to say "I KNOW you can do this!" to a woman who's doing it for the well-being of her child?